In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
