I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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