if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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