Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
