Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize