Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
