You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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