Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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