I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
