mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
