god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize