i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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