You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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