It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
