I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Found the puke drawer
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
