I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
