If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she smelled like a LAN party
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
