I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We need to get me chipped asap
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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