glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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