Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
