So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
