you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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