I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
