we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
