omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
