We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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