do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
