sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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