his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
