Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
