I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
