Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
