And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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