he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
