I want to walk on stilts...naked
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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