Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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