she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
