i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
