Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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