pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
