My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
