4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She's JV to your varsity
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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