Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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