Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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