i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
