Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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