OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
