Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
