You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize