how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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