He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
