I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
