the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
