I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
