OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
