What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize