and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
