Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
