So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
