yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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