Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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