is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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