then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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