what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
