last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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