I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
