i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
