My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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