Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
