Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
