I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
