yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
