So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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