eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
